You cannot fight your shadow, it walks with you. If you are fighting it, it means you have a lot to work on yourself. Your inner hidden desires are troubling you.
When you elevate towards higher consciousness, maya grips you harder because ma is possessive and protective towards her child. She is engulfed in moha, she wants to hold on to her baby. She wants the child to be always playing.
Maya is a best mom and a teacher, she gives you wisdom and ability to survive in the materialistic world. But Shiv takes you beyond your capacity. Before you become god, maya grips you more firmly, so you fall back. But then Shiv here shuns maya, and gives her baby the head she wants. So while the body remains in maya, head elevates towards pure vidya.
Bhairav/Bhairavi tantra is the last of tantra sadhna. Shiv shakti merging as one only at a higher level happens when u have faced your ego death and annihiliated your self identification . A sadha for maya will always give half fruits, neither peace, nor the ability to meet the cosmic abilities. Waiting for siddhi is like waiting for one drop from an ocean, instead one should think of becoming a siddha- the rebecoming of self …the ocean yourself
